03.02.08 - Sunday.

working place has been quiet.
2 volunteers with me todae.
but staying till 2 only.

i have a bad day yesterday.
at work.
well, thought of not meeting anyone after work.
but, julie has brought her lappe.
so, takkan nk cancel kan?
so,
lovee went out with family.
dinner-ing i guess.
okie.
then meet me,julie and naz
after that at bugis.

i tried to put a smile on my face for 3 of them.
takkan muker masam.
im okie at that time.
esp, after meeting julie,
the craziness starts!!
*as usual.

we took the bus,
nearby,
to funan.
lovee,
playing with psp.
nvmz.
he offered himself to carry my lappie.
but i was joking at that tyme and say,
"takpayah i bleh bawah sendiri"

i dint knoe that he will take it to0 hard.
and he thought im mrajok.
well actually im not.
alight the bus,
we talk,
just becoz a stranger asked for directions.
silent back again.

i dunt know wads wrong.
i feel like i wanna be quiet at that tyme.
but i dunt knoe why..

i find myself wierd.
how come im not talking to him???
its a sudden change.

am i scared enuff to starts the conversation??
is he having a bad mood rite now??
or issit me creating problems???

i was soo confused.
i shutted my mouth.
not a single word.
we reached mcd.
no plug!!
idiotic.
transfer pictures here and there.
got so hungry at first,
but looking at boyfie face,
im not in a good mood to eat.

Naz bought julie foods.
which they offered.
no thnks i said.

boyfie, busyy with hys fone
and played games.
okie fyne.
waiting for him to speak.
or am i supposed to starts first??
haizz.

okies i ignored.
damn.
mind so confusing.
freaking jam!
text julie through msn.
although she beside me.
asked her,
wad should i say to him.
nvmz.
i asked him.
"you asl nie?"
all he did is shake his head.
okie fyne.
next asked him,
"u nk mkn tk?"
again, he shake hys head.
okie.
im getting much more fed up.
why cant atleast he said sumthing.
like,
"u nk mkn tak? u blom mkn kn?"
or,
"u taknk mkn?"
he totally ignored.
wads wrong??
wads the problem??
all question flickering my mind.
i stared and look at hym..
wondering if he looked back at me.
but he did not..
next...

we decided,
to make a move.
i walked alone..
2 of us been walking alone.
julie and naz.
at traffic,
i was standing alone.
in my mind was hope-ing.
why cant he get neared me and talk??
u knoe talk??
expecting him to grab my hand and say somthing to me.
like,
"are you okie?.asl nie?"
totally been ignored.

here we are at mrt station.
i took the escaltor down.
the three of us,
naz,julie n myself.
dint notice that lovee was left behind.
julie asked me.
"ehk,mener mataer kau liyana?"

i turned to find him.
search with my grey eyes.
he was nowhere to be seen.
where could he be??
naz told us he went to bought standard tix.
okie so we waited hym.
right infront of escalator.
waited quite a while.
wanted to go up and search him.
maybe he nids help with the machine or sumthing.
but,
he text me up,
"sampai hati u tinggalkan i ='( "
i was like huh??
tinggalkan??

i called him and asked.
where is he.
he told me he's at hys platform.
thats makes me more mad!
all we did , is waited for hym,
and he's at the basement now??
i hangup the fone without saying goodbye.
my heart torn to pieces.

tears ran down my cheek.
tried to hold it.
but its started to flow badly like a drain.
i dint expect it to be like this.
julie has been consoling me through out.
she wiped my tears.
there i goes crying like a child.

strangers watching me.
free scene i suggest.
i asked julie,
"why dint he chased after me?"
"why dint he called me to tell us to wait for him?"
"why dint he sms instead of calling?"
"why dint he came to the platform we have to take just to check on me?"
"cant he msg or called naz or julie if he's not talking to me?"

why?why?why?

me and julie missed a train.
to0k the other 1.

in the train.
saw abg hayuun.
and hys friend.
hys friends keep looking at me.
hacking not to carez.
to my not knowing,
julie text boyfie.
okies..
the complaint on each other were made.
and all becoz of the laptop prob.

mums been worried about me.
mother!

at home.
still a sudden sadness.
looking at the teddy he gave,
sitting on my bed.
hug it tight.
wishing that he's here with me.
tears running down my chiquito again.
julie called.
talk to her.
waited for hys msgs and called.
none.

decided to make myself the first moved to called hym.
he picked up.
just asked hym where is he.
get woried u knoe.
we did talked.
but pertelingkahan yet there.
all he said dat,
"besok nk i amek u tak?"
"beh u dah mcm nie nk i mek you?"

i was so dissapointed.
and i was hold on to my tears.
trying not to cry.
i knoe its a tough day for hym.
especially meeting me right after dinner with family.
yerlaa,
he sacrificed himself to meet me after dinner.
appreciated alots.but dint expect tis things to happen.

he asked for forgiveness and ive forgiven hym.
i do said sorry to0.
Couldnt sleep the whole nite.
hug teddy tigtly.
and of to dreamland.

today morning.
wakes up.
as if i was been brainwashed.
first thing i did,
check my fone.
expecting msg from hym or missed called when i was asleep.
but no.
nothing was on the screen.
just the picture of us instead.
i regret of wad happen the day before.
just wishing its all not happening.
and wished it was just a nightmares.

late for work.
15mins late.
put myself to courage,
and called him.
just to let hym know,
im already at werk.
usually he will called me when im in the train.
but wad i guess is wrg.

still sleeping yet.
so putting my good mood voice tone and talked.
and there i off to my place that assigned.

now, 12.39pm
already afternoon.
waited for hys called or msgs
but, nothing.
could he be still asleep?
or??
well,
better not to judge anithing that not possible.
thnks julie for my being there for me.

seriously not in a gd mood to eat.
guess i'll be here.
the whole lunch.


missingyoualways
called me. =(